"Rocklobsterfest: Red Lobster 3 with Nicole Byer" is Episode 75 of Doughboys, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. This episode was released on October 20, 2016.
Synopsis[]
As Rocklobsterfest enters week 3, the hilarious Nicole Byer (Girl Code, Loosely Exactly Nicole) returns to the podcast to discuss her lengthy history with Red Lobster, from post church brunches to solo birthday vacation meals. Nicole braves a dystopian post MTV future and describes her hyperspecific Last Meal.
Nick's intro[]
Cheddar Bay Biscuits
Kurt Hankins: you likely don't know his name, but you no doubt know his most famous creation.
In 1988, the flagship seafood chain opened by parent company, Darden Restaurants, removed their popular hushpuppies side from the menu. In search of a cost-efficient starch to fill the void, Hankins - then an executive chef at the corporation - was tasked with crafting its replacement. He settled on a garlic cheese bread that used biscuit flour, and once it landed on tables in test markets, it was an instant hit and spread nationwide.
After years of being known only as Hot Cheese Garlic Bread, the restaurant decided on the iconic name Cheddar Bay Biscuits. As Chef Hankins himself writes, "you will have a difficult time finding Cheddar Bay on the map. It's a fictitious name created to bring the biscuits to life, embody the seaside theme, and emphasize that these are not your typical biscuits."
Not typical indeed!
These extraordinary, savory confections are hugely popular with both fish fanatics and picky, landlubbing kids. The chain's internal numbers claim they serve over one million Cheddar Bay Biscuits every single day nationwide, raising the question: is this a seafood restaurant, or a biscuit restaurant that also serves seafood?
This week on Doughboys: part three of Rocklobsterfest, our month-long review of Red Lobster.
Fork and Butter rating 🧈[]
| guest / host | ordered | rating |
|---|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
2 oz. of butter |
| Mike Mitchell |
|
1.5 oz. of butter |
| Nicole Byer |
|
5 forks |
| shared |
|
During Rocklobsterfest, only the guest gave a final fork rating until the final episode. Nick and Mitch were to rate each visit out of 4 tines (ie., 1 fork), so they could add their visits (forks) together at the end of the month. However, in the second episode, Mitch changed the tine system of the previous episode to lobster claws. In this episode, Nick changes it again to a scale of 1-4 ounces of melted butter.
Last Meal[]
Last Meal is a segment where Mitch comes up with a reason for the guest to be executed, who in turn gets to describe her choices for her last meal.
Nancy Reagan
It's the year 2047, and the world is a mess. Nancy Reagan's clone is the President, and upset because the world is immoral, as people show their genitals to each other. Nancy Reagan tries to end this dystopia and sentences everyone who has appeared on MTV to death (inc. Puck, Mike Judge, and anyone who looks like Daria). The ReaganBots have hunted Nicole down and sentenced her to death by putting her in an outhouse, catapulted into the sky, and drowned in the poo.
Nicole's chooses her last meal:
- Vodka & strawberry soda
- Ooey Gooey Butter Cake ice cream from Ample Hills Creamery in Brooklyn
- Mrs. Byer's mac & cheese
- Ms. Odessa's poundcake and vanilla ice cream
- steak from Pacific Dining Car
- sweet potatoes and marshmallows from some lady she knew as a kid
Turns out the ReaganBots are Westworld bots and cannot harm humans! So Nicole escapes and ushers in a wave of further immorality.
or,
The TRL helicopter with Carson Daly and Kurt Loder shows up, Loder sacrifices himself to save Nicole, as Carson and Whoopi Goldberg (the pilot) fly her to safety, and Nicole takes down all the robots and pushes Nancy Reagan into the outhouse where a T.Rex eats her.
Roast Spoonman[]
slowly decaying Jack-o'-Lantern
| “ | slowly decaying Jack-o'-Lantern | ” |
–Malachai Moran | ||
Quotes[]
| “ | I'm still not going to swipe right on you on Tinder. You keep popping up on my Tinder! | ” |
–Mike Mitchell, to Nick Wiger | ||
| “ | The Wiger curse: I've got the opposite of the Midas Touch, just work on a series of failed projects which I contribute to them failing. I'm the key factor to their ultimate destruction. | ” |
–Nick Wiger | ||
| “ | You know who my nutritionist is? The Cryptkeeper. | ” |
–Mike Mitchell | ||
| “ | Ladies, if you want to get at Mitch, go to mitch.pizza. Send him a strange little message about how you want to get up on his dick and then a nice man named Van will print it out and he'll bring it to Mitch, and he'll be with his cats. | ” |
–Nicole Byer | ||
| “ | I welcome all political perspectives. This is a place to celebrate cuisine! | ” |
–Nick Wiger | ||
#hashtags[]
- #SpookyMonths or #MonsterMonths
- #TableFreak vs. #PlateFreak
- #WheresWhoopi
- #SoupSkeptic
- #WhiteChowderPowder vs. #Red vs. #Blue
- #SouperFreak
- #HealthyMouse
- #ShoddyShrimp
- #TopCracker
The Feedbag[]
| “ | You've covered multiple establishments that serve breakfast, but always only cover lunch/dinner items. I'm curious to know your go-to fast-food breakfast orders. | ” |
–Carissa Gravel | ||
| guest / host | favorite fast-food breakfast items | favorite restaurant breakfast items |
|---|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
- |
| Mike Mitchell |
|
|
| Nicole Byer |
|
|
Restaurants[]
| official visit | location | notes |
|---|---|---|
| Red Lobster | Canoga Park, CA | Nick, Mitch, and Nicole went together to this location (with Madeline Walter, Paul Welsh, and Marcy Jarreau) |
| restaurants referenced | location | notes |
|---|---|---|
| Ample Hills Creamery | Brooklyn, NY | |
| Pacific Dining Car | Los Angeles, CA |
Drops and Plugs[]
| reference | notes |
|---|---|
|
in Mitch's drop (by Chris Hickey) (Mitch played this drop two eps earlier) |
|
in Mitch's drop (by Trevor Taylor) |
| Party Over Here | Nick and Nicole's show had recently been canceled |
Related Episodes[]
| Red Lobster episodes | Nicole Byer episodes |
|---|---|
|
|
Photos (via @doughboyspod)[]
