"Peet's Coffee with Chelsea Peretti" is Episode 279 of Doughboys, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "Peet's Coffee with Chelsea Peretti" was released on December 3, 2020.
"Tomorrow... with Chelsea Peretti" - @doughboyspod
Synopsis[]
Chelsea Peretti (Big Mouth, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Phosphorescent Panic, Foam and Flotsam) makes her Doughboys debut and reviews Peet's Coffee. Plus, another edition of Treat or Skeet.
Nick's intro[]
Much of our lives are dictated by the aims of a cabal of extra-legal entities whose power outstrips that of most nations: multinational corporations.
And companies like Amazon, ExxonMobil, and J.P. Morgan Chase can thank their forbearer for their above-the-law status: the Dutch East India Company, which was a dominant economic force for much of the 17th and 18th centuries and in all likelihood was the largest corporation in world history.
flag of The Dutch East India Company
Like the Apples of today, the Dutch East India Company exploited labor and natural resources in the South and East to bring luxuries to the West, and one luxury it’s credited with mainstreaming in Europe is that hot brown beverage we know and love: coffee.
Native to Yemen, in 1696, the Dutch brought coffee plants from Africa to colonial Indonesia, transforming the nation’s agricultural sector, and today, Indonesia remains the fourth biggest coffee producer in the world. The country’s preeminence in the global coffee trade (the word ‘coffee’ is itself a loanword from Dutch) helps explain why it was a Dutch immigrant who brought gourmet coffee roasting to the United States via Northern California.
In 1968, this Netherlands native opened his eponymous coffee shop in the hip college town of Berkeley, California, and his hand-roasted beans were a hit with locals. By the 1980s, it was a Bay Area chain and institution and the dark-roasting techniques popularized by the Berkeley-based cafe would directly influence the founders of Starbucks, itself now a multinational megalith.
But despite coffee consumers becoming more discerning and sophisticated, thanks to an enterprising Dutchman, the practices of the coffee trade still seem anchored in the 17th century.
While fair-trade labels are used to market high-end coffee brands to guilty, rich liberals, according to the Food Empowerment Project, “coffee farmers typically earn only 7 to 10% of the retail price of coffee.”
Even more harrowing: as recently as 2016, Nestlé, the world’s largest multinational food corporation and something of a modern analog to the Dutch East India Company, effectively conceded that its coffee production likely involves child slavery.
So the Dutch East India Company, defunct for over two centuries, continues to influence what we drink each and every day and how multinational corporations abuse human rights for their own enrichment and for our own comfort.
This week on Doughboys, Peet’s Coffee.
Fork rating[]
| guest / host | ordered | rating |
|---|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
3 forks |
| Mike Mitchell |
|
2.75 forks |
| Chelsea Peretti |
|
3.5 forks |
Chelsea also mistakenly ordered from The Coffee Bean: a Pumpkin Latte with almond coconut milk, Kettle Brand Chili Lime Potato Chips, and Banana Nut Bread. She didn't like anything from Coffee Bean.
The Spoonman Sip of the Trip went to the Hot Chocolate.
The Spoonman Bite of the Night went to the Chocolate Chip Cookie.
Treat or Skeet[]
Nerds Gummy Clusters
Treat or Skeet is the quarantined lockdown version of Snack or Wack, where Mitch has a snack and decides if it is 'good' or 'bad.'
For this episode, Mitch tries Nerds Gummy Clusters.
Mitch was taken aback by the sharp sugariness, thinks they are made for children, and hates nerds, but decided the Gummy Clusters were a treat.
| host | rating |
|---|---|
| Mike Mitchell | slight Treat |
Roast Spoonman[]
President-Elect Joe Biden
| “ | Sloppy Joe Biden | ” |
–Anthony | ||
Quotes[]
| “ | It all leads me to the question: why do you guys do this? You're doing a show that focuses on fast food? So honestly, it is an option that you guys change course of your podcast and start to investigate health food as season 2? | ” |
–Chelsea Peretti, coming in hot | ||
| “ | Retractile testes function normally. They are palpable and not considered to be a true undescended testicle. 90% of retractile testicles will descend and relax into the scrotum during puberty. The cremaster can also be retracted voluntarily by performing kegels. | ” |
–Chelsea Peretti coming in not-so-hot | ||
| “ | This is outrageous! [Nick] just made what I know for a fact is a shitty burrito sound good. You're like 'cheesy red peppers roasted potatoes...'. How dare you? I know that thing was nasty and you described it like it was good. I feel so dirty! | ” |
–Chelsea Peretti not falling for the show | ||
| “ | Chelsea: The quiche is good! Nick: Wow. Shyamalan shit here. Twists everywhere. |
” |
–Nick Wiger and Chelsea Peretti | ||
| “ | I saw a squirrel do a backflip once and I was like 'this is the fucking best shit I've ever seen.' | ” |
–Nick Wiger | ||
The Feedbag[]
| “ | A few years ago, I went to my local Dunkin and realized it has the fanciest bathroom of any fast food restaurant I've ever seen. I've attached a picture so you can see for yourself the drawers work, but they have nothing in them. The only reason I can think of that this bathroom is so fancy is that the Dunkin is right near the Arlington Police Station, so maybe they're catering to the cops who come in for their coffee.
Have either of you seen a fancy fast food bathroom like this? Hope this can spark some discussion for the pod. |
” |
–Judith G. from Arlington, MA | ||
Photos[]
