"Morton’s The Steakhouse with Tim Kalpakis" is Episode 52 of Doughboys, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "Morton’s The Steakhouse with Tim Kalpakis" was released on May 12, 2016.
Synopsis[]
Writer/comedian Tim Kalpakis (The Birthday Boys, Comedy Bang! Bang!) guests in studio to break down classic American steakhouse chain Morton’s, as well as discuss Greek food favorites and attending college with Mitch. Plus, Tim describes his Last Meal.
This episode marks the debut of Roast Spoonman.
Nick's intro[]
Hefner and bunnies at his Playboy Club
In 1953, an ambitious, young, American publisher named Hugh Hefner launched Playboy magazine. The periodical's then-scandalous nude photos of buxom vixens helped ignite the sexual revolution and, by the end of the decade, the man who went by "Hef" initiated the next phase of his empire.
The first Playboy Club opened in 1960 in Chicago, Illinois. A private night-club chain catering, naturally, to men, with bunnies serving as cocktail waitresses, it thrived throughout the '60s and '70s before beginning a prolonged refractory period in the '80s.
But during the Playboy Club's heyday, a pair of men named Klaus and Arnie met as coworkers at its Montreal branch. Klaus, the chef, impressed Arnie, the businessman, by serving him the best burger he'd ever tasted, and in 1978, the two struck out on their own: ditching the overt sexuality of their former employer, but retaining the elitism and air of exclusivity with their high-end steakhouse concept.
Using Arnie's last name as their branding, the duo claimed to offer "the best steak anywhere." Perhaps appropriately given its lascivious origins, the restaurant now boasts 69 locations across America as the go-to chain for power-lunching businessmen, celebrities, and the idle rich. Or people who just want to experience a small sliver of that world.
This week on Doughboys, Morton's The Steakhouse.
Fork rating[]
Spoonman and Double Chocolate Mousse
| guest / host | ordered | rating |
|---|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
5 forks |
| Mike Mitchell |
|
5 forks |
| Tim Kalpakis |
|
5 forks |
| shared |
|
With these scores, Morton's is a member of the Platinum Plate Club and of the Hand-holding Club.
Steakhouse Sides[]
The Doughboys also rank their top three sides at a steakhouse:
| guest / host | steakhouse sides |
|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
| Mike Mitchell |
|
| Tim Kalpakis |
|
Last Meal[]
Last Meal is a segment where Mitch comes up with why the guest is to be executed, who in turn gets to describe his choices for his last meal.
VP Guy Fieri
After serving his third term in office, President Trump turns over the reins to Vice President Guy Fieri. A hateful and cruel man, Guy Fieri vows to kill every person who dares to look, act, dress, or drive like him. Tim Kalpakis finds himself at the top of President Fieri's hit list. Sentenced to death by grilling, he must choose his last meal.
- Buffalo Chicken Wings from Ye Rustic Inn (Los Feliz, CA)
- poutine
- Vermonster from Ben & Jerry's
- Mai Tai from Tiki-Ti (Los Angeles, CA)
Fortunately, at the last second, right as Guy Fieri ties him to his grill, Bruce Springsteen shows up and plays "Born To Run," blowing Fieri into the griddle where he burns to death. Springsteen then tells Kalpakis he sucks, and walks away.
Roast Spoonman[]
Wario
| “ | Racist Wario | ” |
–Nick Wiger | ||
Fuberty[]
The Doughboys have a quick discussion about which foods they disliked but they grew into enjoying.
| guest / host | #Fuberty |
|---|---|
| Nick Wiger | cooked fish |
| Mike Mitchell | eggplant |
| Tim Kalpakis | celery |
Quotes[]
| “ | Fuck you, Nick "the Cuck" Wiger! | ” |
–Mike Mitchell, after the first Roast Spoonman | ||
| “ | I come from a filet-mignon family. | ” |
–Mike Mitchell | ||
| “ | Should we go back and tell [the waitress] the three of us are comedy geniuses? | ” |
–Tim Kalpakis | ||
| “ | I'd say you're a party animal like one of those electronic plants that dance to music are party animals. | ” |
–Mike Mitchell re: Tim Kalpakis being a party animal | ||
#hashtags[]
- #Fuberty
- #HowILikeMyCoffee
- #HeadOfTheBread or #ComplimentsToTheBread
- #GreekOrFreak
The Feedbag[]
| “ | My question is for the Spoonman. You talk a lot about your time at Ithaca College, which is awesome since my girlfriend went there and I visited there over winter. My question is about your Women's Poetry class. Did Professor Stuprich teach that class? I am wondering because that is my girlfriend's father and we just wanted to put the Spoonman on the illustrious list of the famous young people that were in Professor Stuprich's class. | ” |
–Nicola Brambilla | ||
Mitch was not in Stuprich's class, neither was Tim. (Or was he?)
Restaurants[]
| official visits | locations | notes |
|---|---|---|
| Morton's The Steakhouse | Los Angeles, CA | Nick, Mitch, and Tim all went to this location together in downtown LA |
| restaurants referenced | location | notes |
|---|---|---|
| Morton's The Steakhouse | Burbank, CA | |
| Shortstop Deli | Ithaca, NY | Tim and Mitch's favorite sandwich shop in Ithaca |
| Wings Over | Ithaca, NY | |
| D.P. Dough | Ithaca, NY | |
| Woodstock Pizza | Woodstock, NY | Tim's family's restaurants |
| Winchell's Pizza | Shokan, NY | |
| Schwartz's Deli | Montréal, Quebec | Tim's father took The Birthday Boys here, Mitch says it's great |
| Ray's Pizza | New York, NY | |
| Papa Cristo's | Los Angeles, CA | Tim's favorite Greek spots in LA |
| The Great Greek | Sherman Oaks, CA | Tim's favorite Greek spots in LA |
| Daphne's | - | Tim likes this Greek chain too (his wife would review it on a later ep) |
| El Greco Cafe | Los Feliz, CA | Mitch's favorite Greek spots in LA |
| Le Petit Greek | Larchmont, CA | Mitch's favorite Greek spots in LA |
| Au Pied De Cochon | Montréal, Quebec | Tim's favorite restaurant on Earth; Mitch has been there too |
| John Thomas Steakhouse | Ithaca, NY | a steak place in Ithaca Mitch mentioned |
| Italian Carry Out | Ithaca, NY | Tim's favorite wings in Ithaca |
| Benchwarmers | Ithaca, NY | Tim's favorite wings in Ithaca |
| Sammy's Pizzeria | Ithaca, NY | Mitch's favorite wings in Ithaca |
| Polo Lounge | Beverly Hills, CA | Tim mentions these as his favorite fine dining spots in LA |
| Dan Tana's | West Hollywood, CA | Tim mentions these as his favorite fine dining spots in LA |
| Taylor's Steakhouse | Koreatown, CA | Tim mentions these as his favorite fine dining spots in LA |
| The Dresden | Los Feliz, CA | Tim mentions these as his favorite fine dining spots in LA |
| Musso & Frank Grill | Hollywood, CA | |
| The Fat Cat | Quincy, MA | Mitch's friend's place |
| Passport | Weymouth, MA | Mitch's friend's place |
Drops and Plugs[]
| movies / tv | notes |
|---|---|
| South Park / The Simpsons / The Chappelle Show / The Force Awakens / Family Guy / Soundgarden "Spoonman" | in Mitch's drop (by @howintensive) |
| The Birthday Boys / Comedy Bang Bang / Lords of Synth (tv) | Tim's plugs |
Related Episodes[]
| Tim Kalpakis episodes |
|---|
|
Photos (via @doughboyspod)[]
