"Arby's vs. Capriotti's vs. Jersey Mike's with Michael Cassady and Paul Rust" is Episode 343 of Doughboys, hosted by Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell. "Arby's vs. Capriotti's vs. Jersey Mike's with Michael Cassady and Paul Rust" was released on March 31, 2022.
"Tomorrow... the Munch Madness finale with Paul Rust @paulrust and Michael Cassady @michaelcassady" - @doughboyspod
Synopsis[]
It's the finale of Munch Madness 2022: The Tournament of Chompions: Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal! Michael Cassady and Paul Rust of Don't Stop Or We'll Die get too silly with the 'boys as they determine who will take home the Dave Thomas Cup. Plus, the Heart of a Chompion is awarded to a special guest.
[This episode was recorded as a live digital experience (live stream) two days before it was released as a podcast, on March 29, 2022. -ed.]
Nick's intro[]
One month ago, eight national sandwich chains began an ate-mazing journey to determine who has the most toothsome breadstacks in all of fast food! Via Commissioner Susser's Sub-stitution, two additional chains came into the breach, shaking up the competition like a sad salad in a plastic container!
Now, after four playoff matches and the conclusion of the loser's bracket, Fat Chance Kitchen: Salad Days Aren't Over, a triforce of eateries remain to compete for the most prestigious award in chain-restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup!
Can Jersey Mike's continue its start-to-finish Munch Madness dominance, joining the ranks of New Jersey's elite like Bruce Springsteen, Tony Soprano, and Zach Braff?
Will Arby's, pushed along by Pusha T's new single, ride its Horsey Sauce across the finish line in first place?
And what the fuck is Capriotti's?!
Whose submarine should stay submerged?
And which nominee will emerge as most nom-worthy?
Whose hoagies are going to Rogie?
Tonight, a Chompion will be crowned!
This week on Doughboys, the Finale of Munch Madness 2022: The Tournament of Chompions: Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal: Arby's vs. Capriotti's vs. Jersey Mike's!
Let's a-go!
Statement from The Commissioner[]
| “ | Because of some poor logistical planning, tonight's head-to-head grudge match includes three heads: Arby's, Jersey Mike's, and Capriotti's. This must not remain the case for long. |
” |
Instant Elimination[]
If the Instant Elimination is a tie, it goes to Susser and Emma together to decide. If they tie, they try to get a hold of Yusong to break that tie. If they cannot reach Yusong, Mitch makes the decision.
| guest / host | eliminated chain |
|---|---|
| Nick Wiger | Capriotti's |
| Mike Mitchell | Arby's |
| Paul Rust | Arby's |
| Michael Cassady | Arby's |
Thus, Arby's is immediately eliminated from the Finale! This devastates Wiger, who was hoping Arby's would win.
Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal rules[]
Here are the rules for this year's Tournament of Chompions:
- Sandwiches only! Sides stay on the sidelines, drinks are in the stink, chips get the slip, cookies are ookie, and soup's OFF.
- We are in a pickle: Pickles are eligible!
- If it's national, it's rational: Chains must have locations across the US. This also excludes local LA chains.
- I like Ike: due to personal conflicts, Ike's has been removed from the tournament. (The Doughboys are friendly with Ike.)
- Some heroes are self-made: Customization is encouraged.
- We run hot and cold: one hot sandwich and one cold sandwich from each eatery.
- You can request extra napkins.
- Guests don't have to follow the rules.
- Mrs. Mitchell can ground Wiger if necessary.
- If there's a tie, Emma will break it.
- Nick and Mitch each get one permaban per tournament.
- Susser can substitute one chain for another if he wants.
- The D'angelo Addendum: If you get a slider at a restaurant, you get to decide if said slider is good enough to be that chain's mascot.
Finale[]
Despite being Instantly Eliminated (see above), Nick's abject sadness over that outcome led to the others eventually allowing it back in the discussion, in defiance of The Commissioner's orders.
| guest / host | Capriotti's order | Jersey Mike's order | Arby's order |
|---|---|---|---|
| Nick Wiger |
|
|
|
| Mike Mitchell |
|
|
|
| Paul Rust |
|
|
|
| Michael Cassady |
Rust and Cassady shared their sandwich orders.
Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal Chompion![]
Munch Madness 2022 Chompion!
Next, The Doughboys decide decide which sandwich gets sent to Joe Rogan (a hoagie to Rogy) and are so good, they change his mind about vaccines (or to make him stand strong as an anti-vaxxer).
| guest / host | winner |
|---|---|
| Nick Wiger | Jersey Mike's |
| Mike Mitchell | Jersey Mike's |
| Paul Rust | Capriotti's |
| Michael Cassady | Jersey Mike's |
Congratulations to Jersey Mike's!
Heart of a Chompion[]
Italian sandwiches
As they do every Tournament, the Doughboys recognize one individual, brand, or thing which contributes to the Tournament.
Some of the nominees for Munch Madness 2022: Arby's, bánh mìs, soup, hot dogs, Chris Rock, and Nick's broken toilet.
However, this year, the Heart of a Chompion goes to Mitch's foes: the Italians!
The President of the Italian Anti-Defamation League, Luigi Gennaro, accepts the award on their behalf. Luigi is the brother of Mario, head of the Italian Tourism Board, who appeared on this episode.
"I Eat A Hero" by Nick Wiger[]
Bonnie Tyler "Holding Out For A Hero"
| “ |
Where has all the good bread gone |
” |
–"I Eat A Hero" | ||
Roast Mr. Slice (of Bread)[]
Jada Pinkett Smith
| “ | Beta Pinkett Smith | ” |
–Kevtron | ||
Quotes[]
| “ | Mitch: I just watched [the Top Gun trailer] right before this to get myself prepared for the show. Paul: Is that the equivalent of jacking off before a date? |
” |
–Top Gun: Maverick | ||
| “ | Every summer, we all get together and we watch Gandhi in Mitch's yard. We dress up like the characters we love. | ” |
–Michael Cassady | ||
| “ | Isaac Newton's in hell for discovering gravity. | ” |
–Nick Wiger | ||
| “ | Without God, there is no tomatoes. | ” |
–Luigi re: thanking God | ||
Photos[]
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