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"Applebee's with Nicole Byer" is Episode 474 of Doughboys, hosted by Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell. "Applebee's with Nicole Byer" was released on December 5, 2024.

Applebeestweet

"Tomorrow… with Nicole Byer" - @doughboyspod

Synopsis[]

Nicole Byer (@nicolebyer, Why Won't You Date Me) joins the 'boys to talk the Costco Guys, new movies, and The Whale before their very first review of Applebee's. Plus, another edition of Binge.

Nick's intro[]

February 24, 2024: air-raid sirens bellowed over the capital city Kyiv, marking the beginning of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. As CNN documented this ominous occasion on its live feed, the cable news network transitioned to split screen to accommodate an ad break, and the audio cross-faded to, “And a little bit of chicken fried / A cold beer on a Friday night.

Chicken Fried Zac Brown Band

Zac Brown Band "Chicken Fried"

The song? Zac Brown Band’s “Chicken Fried,” which charted at number one on Billboard’s Hot Country Songs back in 2008, and had since been licensed as a commercial jingle by a grill-and-bar concept known for its riblets and Dollaritas. The grotesquely funny juxtaposition of urban airstrikes with an advertisement for discounted boneless wings with the purchase of any burger became a potent symbol of this nation’s perverse for-profit news ecosystem: each outlet a mouthpiece of a political party, but more generally, of the American oligarchy. The sit-down chain in question pulled its ads from CNN as a result of the tone-deaf association.

Founded in 1980 in the greater Atlanta area by business and romantic partners Bill and T.J. Palmer, the brand name was semi-randomly selected from a phone book; its spelling altered so it could be trademarked. Today, it's grown to over 1,700 franchised locations, and is operated under an umbrella corporation that also owns IHOP. The large-footprint dine-in grill has remained a potent player in the chain-restaurant industry, in part thanks to its nimble addition of take-out windows post-pandemic. As of this recording, the still ongoing Russia-Ukraine War appears to be escalating, perhaps in anticipation of an abrupt reverse course once the 82-year-old President Biden hands the reins to a comparatively youthful 78-year-old President-elect Trump. But regardless of who’s in charge, American news networks remain unfit to inform the public — even when they’re not airing ill-timed fast-food commercials.

This week on Doughboys, we’re eatin’ good in the neighborhood, with our first official review… of Applebee’s.

Fork rating[]

Applebeespic1
guest / host ordered rating
Nick Wiger
  • Rockin' Poppin' Shirley
  • Quesadilla Burger
    • no bacon
    • Waffle Fries
3 forks
Mike Mitchell
  • Mtn Dew Dark Berry Bash
  • Classic Bacon Cheeseburger
    • no pickles
3 forks
Nicole Byer
  • Classic Bacon Cheeseburger
    • no pickles
4 forks
shared
  • Perfect Strawberry Margarita
  • Berry Merry Colada
  • The Classic Combo
  • Neighborhood Nachos with Beef
  • Four-Cheese Mac & Cheese with Honey Pepper Chicken Tenders
  • Cinnabon Mini Swirls
  • Triple Chocolate Meltdown

The three of them all went together to the Applebee's in Alhambra, CA.

Binge 💘[]

In this segment, The Doughboys peruse dating profiles for foods on the fictional dating app, Binge, and decide if they would swipe left or right.

dating profile Nick Wiger Mike Mitchell Nicole Byer
Roni (mac & cheese)
  • 3 hours old
  • straight
  • smokes sometimes
  • unsure about babies
  • simple pleasures:
    • crispy onions, hot tubs, the sound I make when you stir me
left left left
Meryl (can of cranberry sauce)
  • 2 years old
  • 6"
  • Virgo
  • Two truths and a lie:
    • I can prevent UTIs
    • dropped on my head as a baby
    • favorite food is eggs
right right left
Pinkford (Jimmy John's sub in pickles instead of bread)
  • 15 mins old
  • 10"
  • moderate
  • Scorpio
  • drinks
  • all I ask: don't be married
left right left
Shake (three Shaq gummies)
  • 5 days old
  • 1"
  • non-monogamy
  • has a dog
  • you have to be cool with: my two friends tagging along
right right right
Ethan (mozzarella stick)
  • fresh
  • liberal
  • in Silverlake
  • greatest strength: massages, making coffee, buying you whatever you want
right right right
Beatrice (bowl of clam chowder)
  • old enough to be your mother
  • Libra
  • not vaccinated
  • sometimes drugs
  • "the clam's not fresh but my mouth sure is"
left right left left

Roast Spoonman[]

Stormcapitol

storming the Capitol

a man that is bummed out about not being able to storm the Capitol again

–Josh from Chicago

Quotes[]

Nick: You might find yourself a gator in the toilet down here in the bayou.

Mitch: If you're up in Canada, where the toilet goes backwards, you might find a white gator in that toilet!

–The Bayou Guys

I really love that you guys keep saying 'surname' instead of 'last name.' Mitch said it earlier and I was like 'ok.' And then [Nick] was like 'surname!' and I guess it's a thing for you guys.

–Nicole Byer

I will fuck in a bed, of course. I don't jack off in beds anymore.

–Mike Mitchell

The Feedbag[]

If you had to choose a different hat style than your usual LA or Boston team caps, what would you choose?

–Matty in Columbus, OH

guest / host new hat / style
Nick Wiger cowboy hat / Western wear

Drops and Plugs[]

reference notes
Chris Staples "Walking With A Stranger" in Mitch's drop (by Andy Carr)
  • Why Won't You Date Me? / 90 Day Bae / Newcomers / Best Friends
  • Applebee's Apple Chimicheesecake
Nicole's podcasts and plugs

Related Episodes[]

Nicole Byer episodes

Photos[]

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